1.Abusive or Inconsiderate People...CONTINUE READING
Now this might seem like something that is obvious, but a lot of people tolerate abusive or inconsiderate people. If you are just starting out in a relationship with someone and they start to engage in behavior that is either emotionally or physically abusive, you need to get out. The same is true regarding inconsiderate people.
Physical abuse is obvious. Nothing is as obvious as a smack in the face. But a lot of people aren’t aware that there are many types of emotional abuse. It could be someone who is too controlling. Sometimes they seek to control you through either attacking you in ways that will undermine your self-esteem or try to control you through manipulation.
When they try to undermine your self-esteem, it is usually to make you feel as if you are not good enough to get someone better. They often do this because of their own lack of self-esteem and the fear of the other person leaving them.
Many people overlook these things because they believe that they can change the person. Unfortunately, they are rarely successful in doing so. Eventually, when they are no longer in a state of denial regarding the situation, they come to realize that they can’t change the other person.
Some who try to manipulate others in order to control them are what some would call control freaks. Some people become control freaks because of having felt a total lack of control over their lives at a previous point in time, so they seek to control every aspect of their current life, including the people around them.
Some might even get off on controlling others. They might even manipulate one person or more into doing things in order to manipulate someone else. They almost get off on it like it is some sort of high. There could be a number of causes for that sort of behavior, but it is not your job to figure it out unless you are a mental health professional.
As far as inconsiderate people are concerned, people who constantly let you down can really be tough to deal with. They may lead you to think that there is something wrong with you and that is why they don’t follow through on promises or even show up somewhere when you are supposed to get together. When they say they are going to do something and don’t follow through on it, that is on them, not you. What is on you is letting them do it to you repeatedly.
2.Contentious or Nasty People.
There are some people who just cannot seem to get along with anyone. They are cruel, they are nasty and make no effort to be pleasant to others. I have worked a lot of jobs throughout my life, and it seems as if there is at least one person like this no matter where you work. He is the guy everyone tries to avoid and will only approach him when it is absolutely necessary, like when your job requires it, simply because he is so difficult to deal with.
You could try the old “kill them with kindness” approach, where you are so nice that they will start being nice to you. In most cases, it doesn’t work. Then you might try to be nasty back whenever they are nasty to you, in the hopes that, by being on the receiving end, they will see how others feel when they act that way. That might not work either. The reason neither approach may work could just be because they are very unhappy, miserable people, and since true happiness comes from within, there is often nothing you can do to make them happy people.
In your working life, you have no choice over who you must work with, but in your personal life, you can choose who you associate with. There is nothing to be gained by being around people like this. Many people like this may hate to see others be happy and that is often one of the reasons they lash out at others. They are so resentful of seeing someone be happy that they lash out at them to sort of knock them down a peg or two, emotionally.
3.Disloyal or Untrustworthy People
There are some people who have no sense of loyalty whatsoever. It doesn’t matter if it is an employer, family member, spouse, or friend. Often, these people are selfish and don’t care how their lack of loyalty affects others. Some may even make excuses for not being loyal to others. They might try to justify not being loyal because this person did this to him and that person did that. And so, they are loyal to nobody.
An example of a lack of loyalty would be if a friend of yours was engaged in a conversation with someone and the other person made disparaging remarks about you and your friend knew it to not be true but did not come to your defense. Maybe your supposed “friend” even joined in in making disparaging remarks about you.
Perhaps you may have confided in someone regarding a sensitive issue you did not particularly want a lot of people to know about and that person went and told it to everyone imaginable. That’s a betrayal of trust. You just don’t need people like that in your life.
4.Party People
Here is something I really have a lot of experience with, especially in my early twenties. I was surrounded by people who always wanted to party all the time. All my friends were my drinking buddies. I had no friends other than the ones I was partying with.
With all the excessive parting I was doing with my friends, I engaged in some very self-destructive behavior. I was also a bit of a nasty drunk while intoxicated and I did a lot of stupid things. I was wandering aimlessly through life with no sense of direction or goals. Most of my drinking friends also had no real goals or a sense of purpose either.
After having done something really stupid while intoxicated, I decided to stop drinking for a while. It was a period of about eight months. My drinking buddies kind of took care of themselves, I didn’t have to tell them to stay away. That was because, since I was not drinking anymore, they found me to be boring. I was no longer the life of the party. I also declined invitations to parties in order to avoid drinking.
It was while I was in that eight-month period that I really addressed a number of issues. I had some bitterness towards certain things in my life that I was finally able to let go of. When I was drinking, I was attempting to drown my sorrows. Once I stopped, I was no longer trying to use alcohol as my coping device.
I began to set goals in my life as well. My drinking buddies didn’t have them. They had no understanding of the concept of having goals. Goals are great for developing a sense of purpose and direction in life. Having a clear mind that was unclouded by alcohol was a tremendous help.
5.Discouraging or Negative People
Whenever someone has goals, there will always be someone who will say something that is discouraging. There could be a few reasons as to why. They could be trying to discourage you to keep you from achieving success. A friend might feel insecure about himself and might not want to see you surpass him professionally or in terms of success. Spouses sometimes do this as well. A spouse may fear that if their partner becomes more successful, they may no longer feel as if they are worthy of being with the other and that the other may abandon them.
Some people have no goals of their own and have a tough time understanding what it’s like to have one and be devoted to it. So, they are ready to burst your balloon. It does not have to be a deliberate thing. It could just be that they don’t understand what it is like to envision something and try to make a vision into a reality.
Then there are some people who are just negative about everything. They could be bitter about life, depressed or have an attitude where they think that there is no point in trying anything because they automatically assume things will not turn out their way. They may be paralyzed by the fear of failure.
It can be exceedingly difficult to maintain a positive attitude yourself if you surround yourself with overly negative people. It can really weigh on you. It may also become mentally exhausting trying to maintain a positive attitude when you are constantly surrounded by negativity. Garbage in, garbage out.
6.People Who Take Advantage of You
Sometimes we come to discover that some of our “friends’ only come around when they need something. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with helping someone who is truly in need. But some people are users. They have no use for you unless they can get something they want from you. Want is the key word. It is not what they need, it’s what they want.
You will probably notice a pattern with a person like this. Once you recognize it for what it is, you need to learn how to say no to that person. They may stop coming around altogether once they realize they can’t get everything they want from you and it’s just as well. It saves you the effort of telling them to go away.
Just think about how the time, effort or money could be better spent on someone who is truly in need. I guarantee that it will be far more satisfying for you to help someone who is truly in need rather than spend all your resources on someone who could and should do more for himself.
The Bottom Line
This article is not about just taking people and throwing them away. What it is about is removing people from your life who are interfering with your ability to reach your true potential in life. And let’s face it, you are going to meet some people who are just not particularly good people.
It may take a while to see them for who they really are, but the realization usually comes to you at some point. You may have a period of denial regarding that fact, as it would pertain to the less obvious scenarios, but you need to analyze the situation. You need to do that on an individual basis because not all scenarios are the same and not all people are the same. But sometimes they need to go.
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