The huge success of the Netflix series One Day, which tells the story of long-term friendship turned to love, has sparked a fascination with understanding the complex chemistry that triggers the switch from companionship to sexual attraction....CONTINUE READING
Whether it’s the friend you’ve known since your school days, a former colleague you’ve kept in contact with, your ex-partner’s best mate or even your ‘work husband’, any perfectly platonic friendship can become super-charged with sexual tension, unlocking an attraction that might have lain dormant for years.
People of all ages and at all stages of life can suddenly find themselves the object of a secret crush. As a psychotherapist and relationship counsellor, I’m frequently asked: ‘How do I know if he fancies me?’
The truth is we don’t always know, and part of the thrill is looking for clues.
What isn’t a good barometer is a flirtatious manner. Flirting is often little more than game play, allowing one or both of you to push the boundaries in the safe knowledge that a relationship between you is never going to happen.
And don’t be seduced by physical contact either. A lingering touch might be a sign that he’s up for something more, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s in love with you. In fact, a proper crush will more often come with social paralysis — a kind of terror which makes it much harder for someone to consciously signal their new-found devotion.
If you do see signs, I urge you not to dive in too swiftly. Take a moment to step back and think about your own desires, says Charlotte Fox Weber
So whatare the signs? Here are some key, but subtle, clues to look out for.
One note of caution: if you do see them, I urge you not to dive in too swiftly. Take a moment to step back and think about your own desires. This man might be a close friend, you might have known him for years, but are you attracted to him? Do you deeply care about him? Do you want to be with him?
Having considered all that, read on to find out if he’s fallen head over heels . . .
When you’re standing together in a group, check his feet: are they facing directly towards you? According to body language experts, this is a clear sign that he’s interested in you and drawn towards you — even though he won’t know he’s doing it.
Put one hand up to your neck, cross and uncross your legs, put one hand on your hip. . . if he mirrors your gestures there’s a strong chance he’s so intensely focused on you (in a good way) that he doesn’t even know he’s unconsciously mimicking your movements.
Walk into a crowded room and look around: is anyone gazing at you? If a man previously in the ‘platonic’ camp has fixed his eyes on you, it could be a sign they are particularly interested even though they might not realise.
Conversely, if your male friend has become strangely aloof and awkward and there’s a sense of distance and disconnection which wasn’t apparent before, this could be a sign that he’s stepped over the line of friendship in his mind.
Being unusually nervous and self-conscious around you could mean something’s going on. Avoiding eye contact can be a self-protective measure when feelings become overwhelming; he might be terrified of being exposed and potentially rejected.
If he starts willingly recalling moments from the past, but with surprising detail, it shows he’s really noticed you, and that he thinks a lot about you and has kept those memories alive over the years. This is even more of a ‘tell’ if the reminiscences come with affectionate teasing (‘do you remember when . . . ?’)
Going red in the face in your presence is a classic giveaway, indicating embarrassment and strong feelings — and we have no control over it.
Sometimes the spouse can pick up signs of attraction before the man realises what he’s thinking or doing, so watch out for a change in behaviour. She may become unfriendly or suspicious towards you, or she could become gushy and ingratiating as a way of placating what she perceives as a threat to her relationship.
For her, it could be a case of keeping your friends close, but your ‘enemies’ closer. If he apologises for doing or saying something that might have happened in the distant past (perhaps making fun of you or teasing) this could be a sign that he’s started to think of you differently.
We all mature over time, and he might be looking at you in a new light and reflecting on past actions. An apology shows you matter to him in a new and potentially different way..<<CONTINUE READING>>
