Consent isn’t just valid for sexual encounters. It should be a general rule of life. If he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want you bothering him, anything you do that continues contact ignores consent. It can even be considered harassment....CONTINUE READING
It’s unwanted, so why are you doing it?
Relationships can bring out the best or worst in us. If you’ve ever encountered one that brought out your absolute worst, you might look back on it in shame and embarrassment at how you acted when you were emotionally dysregulated and triggered.
Most people probably aren’t engaging in contact to intentionally annoy someone, but you can become your own worst enemy when you get caught up in emotion and refuse to heed the signs.
There are reasons he wants you to leave him alone. They’re his reasons, and you aren’t entitled to them. But there are signs that this is what he wants — and things you should do if you understand and value consent.
1. He ghosts you
Someone who ghosts you — disappearing from your life entirely — is clearly letting you know that they want to be left alone. Unfortunately, the ghosted person is often left with unresolved issues and an emotional crisis.
You might think that the other person owes you an explanation. While that would be nice, you’re not entitled to it. Nor are you likely to get it.
Take ghosting for what it is: an unkind way to go about letting you know that you are no longer wanted in their life. Respect what it means even if you don’t respect how it was communicated. Leave him alone.
2. He blocks you
Ghosting might include blocking, and it might not. He can ghost you and never block you, just block you, or do both.
Blocking is also a clear sign he wants you to leave him alone. He hasn’t just unfriended you or unfollowed you. He’s blocked you from participating in his social media or being able to call and text him.
This might make you even more eager to get in touch to find out what’s going on and why he did what he did. But remember that blocking is a message.
3. He doesn’t respond to your messages
He might not block you, but if he stops responding to your messages, take it as the answer it is. He doesn’t want to talk to you. Instead of double or triple texting him, leave it alone. Leave him alone. He doesn’t want to chat.
You might think it’s harmless to follow up, but it can become intrusive when you keep messaging when he’s not responding.
He may have moved on, lost interest, or simply doesn’t want you in his life. You don’t need to know why. You need to respect his nonresponse as the response it actually is and leave him alone.
4. He tells friends you’re bothering him
Guess what? If he tells friends you’re bothering him, you are. You don’t need to get defensive. Take it as the obvious boundary that it is. He wants to be left alone. You don’t have to like it to respect his wishes.
Your friends might be trying to let you know that it’s not okay. They might be pointing it out so that you don’t think he’s into you when he’s just been trying to be polite. Cut your losses, and take this as a sign he wants you to leave him alone.
5. He avoids you in public
Someone who avoids you in public doesn’t want to stop and chat. They want you to leave them alone. If he acts like he doesn’t know you around other people, pack up your dignity and leave him doing whatever it is he’s doing.
You don’t have to understand it. You do need to honor it and go. If you try to contact him while he’s avoiding you in person, this is harassment. It might even qualify as stalking.
Leave him alone if he’s intentionally trying to avoid you. This isn’t the time for a confrontation. This is the time for respecting boundaries and moving on.
6. He doesn’t engage with your comments online
You can keep commenting on his social media all you want, but if he ignores your comments or only ever responds with a very general acknowledgment, take this as a clear warning sign that he wants you to leave him alone and stop bothering him.
If he never responds to you but responds to others, you might be making him uncomfortable. Understand that if your communication is unwelcome, you need to stop.
7. He says it outright
He might even tell you outright that he doesn’t want to talk to you, see you or have a relationship with you. If he tells you to leave him alone, do it.
It might hurt. You might not understand it. You might even feel rejected. But he gets to say who he wants in his life. If you didn’t make the cut, feel your feelings, grieve them, and let it go.
Stop bothering the man. He doesn’t want to keep rehashing it. He just wants to live his life, and he doesn’t want you in it.
It might hurt, but he has the right to say it, and you need to have enough self-respect to listen. If he wants you to leave him alone and you’re struggling with it, there are other things you can do that don’t include continuing to bother him. Respect consent…CONTINUE READING>>
