It can feel very easy to spot unhealthy relationships from the outside. When your friend’s partner isn’t treating them well, you may want to immediately express your concerns....CONTINUE READING
Or, when a celebrity’s significant other cheats on them, you let your opinion be known on Twitter and TikTok (been there). But when it comes to your own relationship, it might not be as easy to see and acknowledge the red flags.
“A relationship red flag is something that is considered a deal breaker or a non-negotiable for a person, that doesn’t necessarily have to do with their individual preferences, but more so with the character, behavior, and emotional maturity and availability in the relationship,” Dr. Christie Kederian, a relationship expert and licensed family and marriage therapist, explains.
Yes, there are some signs that really can’t be ignored. If you get cheated on and know you can never trust your S.O. again, then you may realize you have to GTFO of that relationship.
But other red flags are more subtle — and often easily forgiven — and sometimes, you may even find yourself ignoring the bad signs because you don’t want to admit the person you love isn’t actually that great for you.
But it’s important to be able to notice red flags in your relationship, so you can deal with them appropriately and decide if this relationship is really the best for you.
Below, relationship experts discuss the biggest relationship red flags, offer advice on how to deal with them, and list signals that it might be time to break up with your S.O.
1. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself.
You deserve to date someone who treats you like royalty, period. If your S.O. wants you to change (by dressing differently or ditching your friends) that could be a sign they don’t really like you for you, and you deserve someone much better.
Also, if your partner is constantly putting you down, or if their behavior towards you makes you question your self-worth, it’s time to say goodbye. A good relationship will lift you up and make you feel good, not knock you down.
“Anytime someone minimizes your accomplishments, lowers your self-esteem, or makes you feel bad about yourself, it can definitely be a red flag for their empathy and love for you, and also for themselves,” Dr. Kederian explains.
“Oftentimes, when people don’t feel good about themselves, they make others feel small and bad about themselves as well.”
“Relationships are supposed to add to our lives. They should be a net positive,” Dr. Stephanie Freitag, licensed clinical psychologist, adds.
2. They Have You Second-guessing Their Feelings Toward You.
Games aren’t cool when you’re in a relationship. It should be obvious that your partner is into you. If it’s not so clear, that’s a red flag that merits a serious conversation.
“It’s not a great foundation for a relationship when you don’t have that emotional security,” Dr. Rebekah Montgomery, licensed clinical psychologist, explains.
“Sometimes it takes time for you to know how you’re feeling, or for them to know how they’re feeling. And it would be good for them to be able to talk about that. But if they’re making you second guess, then it’s going to undermine the future of the relationship.”
At the beginning of a relationship, your S.O. may go out of their way to show their love for you. That might wane off as the relationship continues over a few months or years, but you still should feel comfortable and secure with you.
3. They Don’t Listen To You
If your S.O. never pays attention when you talk to them, what’s the point of dating? “This can be a sign that they don’t have the care or emotional capacity to truly love you how you want to be loved in a relationship and be a partner that can meet your needs,” Dr. Kederian says.
They don’t need to recall your conversations word for word, but they should put their phone down, listen, and offer thoughtful input. That goes double when you’re stressed or upset.
Sure, their eyes might glaze over when you’re talking about the never-ending Don’t Worry Darling drama, but anyone who is worth your time should take a genuine interest in you and your life.
4. They Don’t Support Your Goals.
Maybe you ask them to run flashcards before your big test and they say no. Or maybe you talk about your big dreams of running your own company one day and they laugh you off like they don’t believe you can do it.
That doesn’t feel good at all. Whoever you date should believe in you and support your dreams and ambitions. If your partner is always shooting down your goals, they might be insecure about their future — but that’s no reason for them to bring you down.
“It’s really important to reflect on why you’re in the relationship in the first place, because if you don’t feel like there is value added, then it’s probably not the right fit,” Dr. Freitag says.
5. They Pressure You To Get Physical Before You’re Ready
Choosing to hook up or have sex is a big decision. There’s no reason to rush into it until you’re really, truly ready. The right person will respect you by listening to your boundaries and taking things at a pace you’re both comfortable with.
“They’re not respecting your boundaries or acknowledging what’s important to you,” Dr. Montgomery explains.
“That makes the relationship not feel emotionally and physically safe.”
6. The Relationship Is All About Them
You hang out at your S.O.’s house when it’s convenient for their schedule and always get pizza because it’s their favorite food. If they’re never taking your interests or likes and dislikes into account, then that’s not OK. Relationships are all about compromise, on the big and small stuff.
“Relationships are about an even exchange,” Dr. Freitag explains. “Of course, there are going to be ebbs and flows in that, depending on life circumstances.”
“There has to be equality for people to generally feel satisfied in a relationship,” she adds. “A lot of times, when there isn’t that balance, people tend to feel like there’s a lack of fairness in the relationship, and that can lead to sour feelings. And when that arises, it’s harder to maintain a relationship.”
7. They Don’t Try To Get Along With Your Friends Or Family
Your partner doesn’t have to be besties with your besties, but they should make a serious effort to get along with the people who are important to you. And they should want to introduce you to their family and friends, as well..<<CONTINUE READING>>
