DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend of 50 years has finally admitted she slept with my husband the night my daughter was born, 40 years ago....CONTINUE READING
I remember that day so clearly — the birth of my first child. My husband and I were newly wed, and smitten with each other and our newborn.
When he left the hospital after the birth, he told me he wished he could stay the night but the rules were no dads overnight.
He kissed us both goodnight and promised he’d be back first thing in the morning. He then went to our local pub to wet the baby’s head and apparently got more than a little merry with his friends.
On his way home, sozzled, he thought it would be a good idea to call in on my best friend and tell her our news.
My friend has admitted she felt lonely and a little jealous that night so invited him in. They had another couple of drinks to celebrate then things started to get fruity.
She now says it was “only drunken sex”, nothing more, and that she instantly regretted it. She insists it happened just the once, 40 years ago.
I feel devastated. I wish she had never told me. But she says she needed to come clean about all this, as she has been diagnosed with cancer and didn’t want to take any secrets to the grave.
My best friend and I are 69 and my husband is 71. She has got married since and we both have plenty of grandchildren between us.
I haven’t confronted my husband yet but her account does make sense. I remember that, soon after my daughter was born, there was a strange atmosphere whenever the two of them were in the same room. That awkwardness lasted for years.
I love my husband and my friend but at this point I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust either of them again.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE DEAR DEIDRE: My fiancée is everything you’d want, but there’s a big problem in the bedroom DEIDRE SAYS:
I’m afraid your friend’s decision to tell you was for her benefit and no one else’s – she wanted to alleviate her own sense of guilt.
She has likely panicked with her recent diagnosis. But as hurtful as this news is, you do have good reason to believe it was a one-off.
So do balance that against the 40-odd happy years you have enjoyed with your husband. The only way to work through this hurt is to talk to him. Tell him how hurt you feel and listen carefully to his response.
Ask him to see a relationship counsellor with you, to see if there is a future for your marriage – and even if he won’t go, you would still benefit from seeing a therapist alone…CONTINUE READING>>
