DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife forgave my torrid affair with a family friend, or at least I thought she had. But I have now discovered whenever I treated her to a spa weekend away, she was actually enjoying private massages with an escort....CONTINUE READING
My friends insist I am being weak for staying with her, after I told them she has cheated with at least seven men. I still love her, even though I’m truly heartbroken and humiliated.
I’m 61 and my wife’s 55. We have been together for 34 years and I thought we had a great marriage. Our two sons have grown up and have lives of their own now.
We are lucky enough to have good jobs and enjoy great holidays. I do admit the intimacy between us has dwindled to nothing, I think for two reasons.
Initially when my affair ended 11 years ago, we struggled to get the physical side of our relationship back on track. And over the years, my sex drive has all but disappeared.
I suspected my wife missed it more than she let on, but she always reassured me it didn’t matter to her. Now she has admitted that she was actually sexually frustrated but didn’t want to make me feel inadequate.
She apologises every day and says she couldn’t bear to lose me. I feel blindsided. How do I get through this?
DEIDRE SAYS:
Your friends may mean well but only you can decide what is the best course for you. Building trust will take time but see this as a sign you need to rekindle the intimacy between you.
If your sex drive has diminished dramatically, it’s worth investigating. Do you feel stressed or depressed? Both of these can affect your libido.
Please visit your doctor to look into possible causes. And let your wife know you would like to reaffirm the physical affection in your relationship, and you want to get things back on track.
You can begin by kissing and cuddling more, to bring the pair of you physically closer again. She sounds genuinely remorseful, but you can’t keep your feelings to yourself for ever, so tell your wife the truth.
She needs to know you haven’t come to terms with her betrayal. My support packs Cheating – Can You Get Over It? And Saving Your Sex Lives can help you both…CONTINUE READING>>
