It has always confused me that we are taught the least about a part of our life that matters the most ....CONTINUE READING
The quality of the relationships we choose for ourselves can influence every other area of life. An unhealthy and tense marriage can impact performance at work, it can cause mental and physical health issues, it can build depression, resentment, and discontent.
Conversely, a healthy and thriving relationship helps us to feel connected, fulfilled, driven, inspired, and
happy.
Reasons To Boil Onions And Drink Water In Moderation
Yet, something so important in our lives is often left up to chance.
“Just be yourself, the right person will come along.”
“When you know, you know.”
We’re given passive — and franklyuselessadvice that doesn’t give us any real knowledge or skills when it comes to building or maintaining relationships.
“James, skills?! Shouldn’t love just be natural?”
Herein lies the issue:
Love, as an emotion —and as a verb —is baked into our emotional experience, sure.
But, it takesmore than just loveto build a thriving and happy relationship that lasts in the long run. Don’t take my word for it, though, ask anyone who’s been with their partner for years or decades if it just “happened,” or if it tookreal effortevery day.
So, how, then, do we intentionally and deliberately create the life and love that we want alongside the partner we’ve chosen?
Do more of this, and less of that:
When we enter into a relationship, we bring our past with us. Our past experiences, past traumas, past hurts, and past preconceived notions of what a relationship “should be” like.
If we rest too heavily on assumptions, though, we block ourselves from learning the true nature of the new person we’re letting into our lives.
Perhaps one of the most difficult challenges that love presents: We must befully open and unbiasedeach time we meet someone new.
Your “next” is not your “ex,” as they say.
The more that welisten, pay attention, andlearnabout our partner, the less likely we’ll be to jump to conclusions and make our own assumptions about what we “think” they mean, or what we “think” they are doing.
For some, these tendencies last longer and take more work than others. It isentirely normaltotake timeto trust someone new —healthy, even.
Everyone who comes into your life has to earn your trust (more on this later) and alsomaintain itover time, but in order to so, you have to give them the space to step into.
House Passes Bill That Would Ban TikTok If Chinese Owner Doesn’t Sell It
If you can open yourself up to listening, learning, andfeelingthis person’s true and genuine presence…you just might be pleasantly surprised. If you think you already know them based on other people you’ve met in your past, though, you could be depriving yourself of something (and someone) beautiful.
Conflict is uncomfortable. Conflictresolutionis a skill in itself (that many struggle with). Conflict is seen as a negative in a relationship — how can you be happy together if you’re disagreeing or arguing?!
The truth is that every couple to ever exist, no matter how happy or healthy, have faced and overcome their own challenges. In fact, that’s likely part ofwhat made them so strong in the first place.
For so many, though, conflict is avoided like the plague. Feelings are hidden, agreements are feigned, conversations are entirely skipped over for the sake of “keeping the peace.”
A challenge, though, cannot be solved and avoided at the same time. One most be chosen, and only one actually makes the challenge go away.
Avoiding conflict does nothing but roll the snowball down a hill, only causing it to gain more size and momentum the longer it’s ignored.
Couples who face their challenges togetheras a teamhave an opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve together. They can find a common ground that works for both of them and reinforce the foundation of their relationship.
This, of course, only applies to couples that understand it’s the two of them against the problem, NOT the two of them against each other.
Being honest is not the same as being harsh, or blunt, or hurtful. Honesty should be kind and soft, presented in a way that is direct, but tactful.
Men Who Are Deeply In Love Usually Display These Seven Unconscious Gestures Without Realizing It
If that sounds complex…well, it sort of is.
It’s askillto take honesty and wrap it up in a nice little package while maintaining its integrity, but I believe that this is part of being a productive communicator.
However, many will try to avoid presenting the direct and honest truth, and replace it instead with dropping hints or playing games.
Inevitably, the partner on the receiving end will miss someor allof the hints being dropped, which only serves to create more frustration on the part of thehinter.
“You don’t understand me!” is met with “You never tell me what you’re thinking!”
I believe thathonest but kindcommunication can help us to minimize conflicts (point #2), or in some cases, avoid them altogether (more on this in point #6).
Skirting around an issue or being vague in the hopes that your partner catches your drift can be a risky and frustrating endeavor. You’re both adults and should be able to sit down and be truthful with each other. If your partner refuses to hear or recoils from your honesty, that is an entirely different issue within itself.
People Were Mind Blown After Seeing What Raisins Are Actually Made Of.
We established earlier that building trust takes time andmutual effort.It must be built, established, and thenmaintainedfor the entire duration of the relationship.
Trust is fragile and remains so throughout its lifetime. No matter how long it takes to be created, it can be destroyed in an instant. One lie, one betrayal, one act of deceit, and decades of work can simply evaporate in front of us.
I believe that we are acutely aware of this fragility and as a result, some of us respond by trying to control every little action or circumstance.
If we keep a close enough eye on someone’s actions, there’s no way they could ever betray us, right?
If we ask aboutevery single little detailthen there’s no room for error or dishonesty.
If we keep tabs on their every move or social outing then we’ll always know who they’re with and what they’re doing.
If this sounds likecontrolling or manipulativebehavior…well, that’s because it is.
I’m going to say something here that sounds strange, but hear me out:
We must give our partner the opportunity to hurt us.
Mango Leaves Can Help Manage This Medical Issues
“James…what?!”
That’s right — relationshipsmusthave trust, and trust canonly existif someone can prove themselves to you.
They must have the chance to stay true to their word, because that means that mightnothave stayed true.
They must have the chance to show you they’re loyal, because that means they chose loyalty.
Obviously, I am not saying that your partner should put themselves in precarious situations just for the sake of proving themselves to you…but I am saying that you need to give them enough trust to show you that they are serious about you and this relationship.
You may think or feel that you’re avoiding heartbreak by holding them so closely to you that they simply have no choice but to be faithful — but obedience through control is never sustainable, nor is it reflective oftrue feelings.
Loyalty out of love and respect is what is true.
Healthy adult relationships, while involving an entire ecosystem of people (family, friends, children, etc.), are stillonly between the two of you, at the core.
You must do what feels right (or doesn’t) for the both of you, regardless of what anyone else says.
Does High Blood Pressure Affect Sex In Men?
Move at your pace.
Take steps in your time.
Choose each other every day.
Not everyone is going to agree with your decisions or lifestyle — and that’s okay! They don’t have to! It’s YOUR life, not theirs.
If someone can’t respect you making the decisions that make you happy, then you have to ask yourself if your happiness is actually what they’re concerned with, or just trying to make you live a life thattheyapprove of.
The people who really want to see you happy won’t care what that happiness looks like for you, as long as it is real and genuine.
Happy and healthy couples don’t let negative feelings or emotions accumulate.
They don’t let resentment build.
They don’t sit on their frustrations and pretend that they’ll just go away someday.
They don’t push their feelings away, or hide them from their partner.
They have the maturity required to raise concerns or frustrations to each otherwhen they show up, so they don’t have time to fester, or grow, or turn into unfair assumptions.
Point #3 is important to remember in these instances, because bringing up challenges when they arise does not mean just throwing a grenade into an otherwise peaceful conversation and expecting things to go smoothly.
Set an expectation for your partner, let them know that everything is okay but there’s something you’d like to sit and talk about, and then calmly and rationally explain your frustration or challenge.
More often than not, you’ll find that people respond in the same method they’re approached with. If you and your partner can agree to address your “problems” with this strategy, they’ll bea lot less volatilethan you’d expect, making it easier and more comfortable to broach them in the future, as well.
Have you ever dated, or been friends with, or been related to someone whorefuses to take responsibility for their actions?
It’s exhausting, and impossible.
They never make mistakes (well, they do, but…), they never address the root of the problem, they never apologize — and therefore…they never change.
How or why could they change if they don’t think there’s anything that needs changing?
People like this are always looking for someone else to blame, and when you’re in a relationship with them, there’s only one other person to lay it all on —you.
Needless to say, this is never a foundation that a happy and healthy relationship can be built upon.
Healthy and thriving relationships requiretwo partners who are bothwilling to admit and take responsibility for their mistakes.
Factors That Cause People To Look Older When They Are Still Young
Spoiler alert: You’re going to make some.
We ALL do. That’s part of being human.
Knowing this, making mistakes isn’t what’s important, but how we choose to respond to them is. If we are willing to acknowledge what went wrong, we can see it clearly and put a plan in place in order to approve.
Equally as important though, is showing our partner that we’re willing to see our actions clearly. If they’re disappointed in our actions and also don’t think we’re going to change over time, it’s going to bring tension to the relationship that could eventually pull us apart.
If, though, we can both be comfortable that each other is going to step up to the plate when the occasions arise, it helps to build a deeper connection, make us both feel more grounded, and to increase the ease of forgiveness, because we know that our partner will be just as understanding with us when the time comes.
Causes Why Some Women Die During Pregnancy And Childbirth, And How To Avoid It
NOTE:
Remember that this doesn’t go for abuse, betrayal, cheating, or other dealbreakers within the relationship. While, sure, many times a second chance might be warranted…it’s still important to maintain boundaries, and there are some mistakes that an apology simply cannot fix, no matter how sincere.
Relationships are a team, and the world’s best teams don’tcompetewith each other, theycollaboratewith each other.
Maturity is important here, because it helps to prevent jealousy.
If one partner is excelling while the other is struggling, it can create resentment. It’s important to remember that you’re both coming together to achieve a common goal (creating the life you both desire), and you both have your roles and responsibilities along the journey.
There’ll be ebbs and flows for you both. Support and encouragement. Victories and failures. It’s a dance. It’s a marathon. It’s a long, long road.
The better that you can work together and develop a system that works for youas a team, the less you’ll be likely tocompetewith or try toone-upeach other, which can create a tense or toxic environment.
The Unusual Symptoms Of Prostate Cancer That Every Man Should Be Aware Of
Remember that relationships are more about “we,” and less about “me.”
Full acceptance of each other is a requirement in a relationship.
This statement may, then, sound conflicting — but it’s not…
You don’t need to like EVERYTHING about your partner in order to love them.
“Okay James, I’m confused…”
Let’s be honest, you don’t even like everything aboutyourself. Nobody does.
How, then, can you expect to like every single little thing about your partner?
You don’t have to, though — you just need toaccept and embrace it.
The good, the bad, the otherwise.
The past, the present, and the future.
Decisions they’ve made, mistakes they’ve made, triumphs they’ve enjoyed.
It’s all part of them, all what made them who they are today, all that brought them intoyourlife.
What You Should Do Immediately After A Scorpion Stings You
There are decisions you probably wish you’d made differently, and ones that they wish they’d made differently — but, we cannot change the past, we can only learn from it and accept that it is part of us.
It doesn’tdefineus, though. We get the opportunity to define ourselves every single day.
By suspending judgment for what someone has done in the past, probably before you were even around, you can see them through a clearer light and develop a more natural and healthy form of love.
The health of your relationship with another person starts with the health of the relationship with yourself.
Many people think that in order to maintain a relationship, they need to sacrifice parts of themselves.
Sacrifice wants, needs, desires, ambitions, dreams, hobbies, passions…
In reality, just the opposite is true — or at least, it should be.
If you start sacrificing the things that make you, well…YOU, you’re quite literally taking away some of the things that drew your partner to you in the first place.
They fell in love with how ambitious you were. How driven you were. How you lit up when you did the things you loved.
Causes And Signs Of Miscarriage
Why, then, would they want that part of you to go away?
Sacrificing parts of yourself can make you less happy, less vibrant, less connected to yourself and the people around you.
How can you build a strong and healthy relationship off ofthatfoundation?
You can’t, and a good partner wouldn’t ask you to.
Healthy relationships are formed by two healthy people.
People who accept each other completely.
People who start with a solid and happy foundation ofself, and bring that to another person.
You don’t need someone to complete you…just someone who loves and accepts you completely.
“The Next Level”for honest and uncensored advice normally reserved for private clients.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.
Three Drinks You Should Have Often To Rid Your Urinary System Of Infections
Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.
James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as
CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more…CONTINUE READING>>
