It can be frustrating, confusing, and hurtful when your partner no longer seems interested in you....CONTINUE READING THE FULL ARTICLE>>>
However, this doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. In this post, we’ll explore reasons why there might be a sexual disconnect with your partner, as well as our top tips for what to do when your husband doesn’t want you sexually anymore.
Why doesn’t my husband want to have sex with me?
There are few things more painful than rejection, and it can be doubly painful when that rejection comes from your partner – and involves sex. If you’ve put the time and effort to create a healthy sex life and your husband doesn’t want to be intimate, it can feel like he doesn’t want you.
You might even jump to conclusions and assume the worst such as “he’s lost interest in me,” “he’s cheating,” or “I’ll have a sexless marriage.” There are many reasons why a man may not initiate sex or want sex anymore in your relationship – and surprisingly, most of them have nothing to do with you!
Some of the most painful reasons that could cool a man’s sex drive have nothing to do with his partner. Whenever there’s a big change in libido, it’s important to rule out medical issues before blaming yourself or suspecting him of the worst.
Low libido is a common side effect for several medical conditions, and certain medications also have sexual side effects. Other potential reasons your partner may not want to be intimate with you could include stress, mental health issues, or relationship issues. Any of these could explain your recent decline in intimacy. couple not talking to each other on couch
Physical problems
Erectile dysfunction can be both a primary medical condition and also a side effect of a medical condition or medication. Erectile dysfunction, or ED, impacts men of all ages, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status, as well as men with no to little health issues and men with chronic health conditions.
Types of erectile dysfunction (ED) includes inability to obtain or maintain erection, inability or difficulty with ejaculation, delayed ejaculation or premature ejaculation. Erectile dysfunction can also include painful erections, painful ejaculation, or painful penetrative sex.
Other conditions related to the male anatomy include prostate issues including prostatitis, which is an inflammation of the prostate gland. Prostatitis can occur due to bacteria infecting the prostrate due to another medical issue such as an urinary track infection.
These forms of prostatitis are often treated with medications. Prostatitis can also occur due to chronic pelvic pain syndrome (CPPS). Unfortunately, pelvic pain is mostly associate with women and often overlooked in men.
Low testosterone (low T) is another reason some men experience low sex drive or your husband avoids sex.
Low testosterone often occurs in older men though has been seen in younger men at times. Naturally, as men age, testosterone levels slowly decrease; therefore, it’s common for men to experience a natural decline in sexual desire with age.
Testosterone levels also have a normal range; there is a medical concern when T-levels fall outside of this range or if the testosterone levels suddenly decrease with no known cause.
Other medical conditions, such as diabetes, brain injuries or spinal cord injuries, can also impact sexual arousal and sexual desire.
The Amercian Diabetes Association states that low sexual desire is common with diabetic men and often impacts them more than their peers who don’t have diabetes. Diabetes can also lower testosterone levels or damage the nerve and vascular system which is needed for erection. However, the ADA states that proper management of diabetes can improve erectile functioning.
This source of stimulation is often easier to maintain than physical stimulation to the genital area only. Spinal cord or brain trauma or injury can create various sexual side effects depending on the severity of the injury and where in the brain or spinal cord the injury occurred.
Medications
Medications can do so much to improve and lengthen our lives, yet, they often come with tradeoffs including a lower desire for sex. Some of the most common medications known for this effect include SSRI and SNRI antidepressants, beta-blockers like atenolol, and corticosteroids, including Prednisone.
Many medications used to treat prostate conditions are also notorious for having patients not wanting sex. Medication to treat hypertension or high blood pressure can also cause ED including inability or trouble obtaining an erection.
If your husband is experiencing side effects after starting a medication, encourage him to discuss with the prescribing doctor or his pharmacist. Prescribed medication should not be stopped without medical advice to prevent any further medical conditions or side effects from occuring including fatality.
Stress
If you ask any sexual health professional, they will often tell you that stress is a top killer for one’s sex life. Stress at work, in your family, or anywhere else in life can have unpredictable impacts on our well-being.
Big life changes like a new job, a move, wedding planning, or family drama can all cause stress. Stress can come from relationship problems whether in your romantic relationship, a friendship, or family relationship problems. Even minor and temporary stressors like a lack of sleep or disruption to routine can lead to a decrease in sex drive.
Stress activates our sympathetic nervous system which is our fight, flight, or freeze response. In this state, the brain is on high alert with the main goal to stay alive and healthy.
While in this state, many bodily functions significantly slow down including digestion and elimination while other functions to keep us alive activate including an increase in hearing and sight.
Optimally, when the brain realizes the threat is gone, it is able to switch back to the parasympathetic nervous system which is the rest an relax response where we are able to feel calm and resume bodily functions to keep us healthy.
However, some people never switch out of the “stay alive” system and their brain remains “on alert for a longer period of time including days to months to years. Sex is a function that often occurs in the “rest and relax” system. When one is on high alert, their brain sees no reason for sexual connection or sexual activity.
According to Drs. Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, the main reason stress can have such damaging impact on a person is that we often don’t end the stress cycle.
Doing activities to end the stress cycle, such as exercise, dancing, laughing, yelling, tells the brain that it is safe to resume normal functioning. The caveat here is that sex, is also a form of exercise! Therefore, if one can initiate sex while under stress, they are not only finding a way to end the stress cycle but they are also meeting sexual needs for himself and his partner!
Depression and anxiety
Stress is not the same as depression or anxiety, even though they often go hand-in-hand. A loss of interest in sex or low desire can be a symptom of either depression or anxiety.
Sometimes, these are just unpleasant and fleeting feelings, but in other situations, they are chronic conditions. Sometimes depression and anxiety can occur for some time after an adverse event such as witnessing or experiencing something upsetting, especially if they have intrusive thoughts of the event.
Some men also experience performance anxiety with sex. Sexual performance anxiety can occur with just one bad experience with sex. This then leads to anticipatory anxiety with the thought of sexual contact or even the possibility of sex.
Anxiety is a form of stress which activates the sympathetic nervous system leading to difficulty with sex. Depression and anxiety can be serious conditions that, when they hit a clinical threshold, justify intervention from a professional.
Relationship problems
Even if he’s not depressed or anxious, there might be other problems in his life. If you can rule out physical and mental health issue, it might be time to critically examine your relationship and explore if the source of sexual issues stems from the relationship.
Big fights might have an impact for a long time, and even positive events, like becoming parents, could require both partners to reframe how intimacy and sex will exist in their relationship.
Perhaps the other partner (that is, you) is suffering from depression or anxiety, and this has impacted his desire for sex, or maybe neither of you is prioritizing the relationship and spending time together.
Sexual Satisfaction or Sexual Attraction
This is such a sensitive topic though a topic that must be explored and discussed. At times, some partners experience a loss of sexual satisfaction and/or a loss of sexual attraction to their current partner.
Sexual dissatisfaction can occur for many reasons including boredom with the current sexual activity in the relationship and differences of sexual desires or sexual behaviors. If you have been with your partner for several years and sexual activity remains the same, it might be time to “spice things up” a bit to add variety.
Sexual attraction, in a long term relationship or any relationship, can also change. Some people find sexual desire and arousal from an emotional connection with another person while some find sexual desire and arousal from a physical appearance of a person.
If sexual attraction is the source of a decline in your sex life, it is highly suggested that you and your husband meet with a sex therapist where you can have open and honest conversation in a supportive environment..<<CONTINUE READING>>
