You try to be kind, but people don’t warm to you. You reason that you aren’t a “people person.” You get frustrated that people you judge as lower than you on the social ladder are more popular....CONTINUE READING THE FULL ARTICLE>>>
The good and bad news is this is your fault. You can take steps to change and improve your life by taking responsibility. There are many small things we do that make us less likable. The first step is becoming aware of your shortcomings.
Confidence is great, but there’s a fine line. There’s nothing more pathetic than people who brag about themselves but pretend to be self-deprecating. Maybe you make fun of yourself for being a geek when you want people to know how smart you are.
You might complain about your healthy eating plan to draw attention to your fitness level. Not only are you bragging, but you’re also being deceptive. This tactic dominates the conversation, and you end up known as the person that makes every conversation about yourself.
Everyone gets the monologue about how great you are, what a fantastic job you did, and why you’re so special. The only way people will start liking you more is to get outside your head. Focus on the other person. Learn to listen actively. Care about what they have to say. Don’t just wait for them to shut up so you can get your next boast in.
They’ll flock to you if you make them feel good about themselves. People aren’t stupid. They know that if you’re gossiping to them, you’ll be gossiping about them. Relishing other people’s misfortune makes you look spiteful and low energy. People will come away from you feeling drained.
If the gossip ever gets back to the target, you’ve just made an enemy. All because you thought this was the way to popularity. You briefly felt like the center of attention.
Start by removing negative words from your vocabulary. Whenever you use words like “struggle,” “I’m no good with,” or “I suck at,” you are casting damaging spells on yourself.
A self-fulfilling prophecy. When other people listen to your negative words, you both release stress hormones.
You irritate them. If you encounter a negative person, eliminate them from your life. Why would you have someone around who sucks the life out of you?
That’s what people feel when you take your negativity to them. If you catch yourself complaining while everyone else looks uncomfortable, stop.
Being passionate about a topic is good — attractive even. But it’s a fine line before passionate people come across as serious and disinterested because they love their work or hobby so much.
You need to balance your passion with your ability to have fun. Aim for meaningful interactions with your colleagues at work, remember what they said in recent conversations, and be serious yet friendly.
Always look past your position or status to the person before you. You also need to be conscious of your facial expression and what emotions you’re trying to convey.
Nodding and smiling are signs of warmth and competence. You’ll come across as cold and angry if you’re stone-faced and don’t react to what they say.
The sweetest sound in the English language is a person’s name. Remembering and using it will make you more likable.
If you forget someone’s name, it seems they don’t matter to you. You seem disinterested. Be honest if you met someone but didn’t catch their name. It’s far easier to correct this mistake early.
You’ll come across as a doormat if you seem too friendly and warm. Yet if you appear too competent, you’ll seem cold.
You need to find the sweet spot, and the solution is easy — be a person of your word. Take ownership of your mistakes, avoid lying, and be someone others can rely on to do the right thing.
How you treat service staff tells me all I need to know about someone. You can be rude to service staff without any consequences. Their job is to serve you.
If you’re abusive or rude to someone whose job is to help you, you’re probably rude and offensive to others. Everyone sucks up to people in power or that have something to offer them. Just look at social media.
It’s how you act when no one’s looking that counts. If you’re late, you may as well tell the other person you don’t respect their time.
You’re saying your time is more important. What kind of impression do you think that leaves? People always notice this, so arrive early and look keen if in doubt.
You don’t want to seem egotistical, so you reject compliments, but like so many unwritten social rules, there’s a balance here.
If you reject compliments, you seem self-conscious and socially inadequate. You also make the compliment giver feel awkward — they then try to reassure you, and it becomes a protracted struggle.
So just accept the damn compliment with something like, “Thanks, that means a lot to me,” or “You made my day.”
When you have people in the car you want to impress, you think they love it as you hurtle along at 100mph.
The truth is you’re scaring them to death. Similarly, you seem aggressive and impatient if you spend time flipping other drivers off and cursing in the car.
At best, you come off as a jerk; at worst, you might just upset the wrong person one day. Someone you know has a problem with that which you have experienced.
Before telling them all about it, ask if they want to hear your experience and advice. If not, find another way to help them.
People are likely to take unsolicited advice as criticism. If you ask first, you reduce the risk of being seen as antagonistic.
Social interactions are often a delicate balancing act. You want to be warm without being a doormat. You want to take compliments but without having a massive ego.
You want to be passionate but not too serious. All of this will come with practice and conscious attention. If you’re blind to all of these intricacies, how can you ever resolve them?
Some or all of this list may apply to you. Think about it and try and catch yourself when you make these mistakes in future conversations…CONTINUE READING>>
