“Why do you write about sex so much?” My client Jeff recently asked me......READ THE FULL ARTICLE>>>
I thought about it for a moment, realizing that what seemed obvious to me wasn’t to him.
“In 15 years of coaching men in relationship, so many are feeling deprived of touch and physical intimacy in their marriages. And… that was once my story, so I relate.”
“Ok, that makes sense,” Jeff said. “As you know, I can also relate.”
“But what’s the key to getting more sex?” he said.
“Trust and the lack of it.”
“Is that it?” Jeff said, looking at me suspiciously. “It can’t be that simple.”
“Of course, there’s more. We can talk about lack of connection, busyness of life, and lack of intentional time together.
“But if a man is not trustworthy, in terms of being clear in who he is, his knowledge of his own emotions, and his sense of mission in his relationship, his partner won’t trust him.”
“Hmmm… I can see that with my wife,” Jeff hummed, pondering what I’d said.
“First,” I said, “goes trust, then sex. Again, I’m talking about marriage and long-term relationship. In time, she starts thinking…
“How can I trust him with my emotions if he doesn’t know his own? She thinks.
“Typically, women need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy physical intimacy.
“If her heart closes, her bedroom door follows.”
“Trust equals sex,” Jeff said.
“Trust, safety, holding a container of the relationship.”
“Container of the relationship? Say more,” Jeff said.
“You’re clear with your boundaries, not being dominant but direct and relational. Inviting your wife in, in a way that makes her feel safe.
“Creating a space between so that she can feel loving, connected, open, and yes, sexual.”
“So not simple, after all,” Jeff said.
“Simple as in straightforward. But plenty of unlearning and re-learning for most guys. It will take you some work.”
“Ugghhh… more work,” Jeff sighed. “And what exactly is that work?”
“Check out this video where I speak to the work, specifically how boundaries and healthy masculinity can enhance your sex life.”
A clear “no” to tolerating a sexless marriage is a clear “yes” to initiating a sexually-fulfilling relationship. That’s clarity. That is a boundary..CONTINUE READING>>>
