Feeling lonely in a marriage is difficult, but there are lots of potential ways to change how you’re feeling, including talking about it with your partner, spending more quality time together, working together on communication and common goals, and seeing a counselor together if you need to.....CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE>>>
Here are 10 tips for how to deal with being married and lonely:
1. Talk About Your Loneliness With Your Partner
“If you are feeling lonely in the marriage it may be time to have a discussion to share what might help with your feelings. It is always good to start these conversations gently. Blame will lead to arguments and less understanding.
A good way to start the conversation might sound like, ‘I’m not sure if this is just me going through a phase, but I haven’t felt as connected to you lately and I miss you. Have you felt this? What are your thoughts?’ It is good to discuss what the other person is doing that does make you feel loved so they can focus more on these areas.”
2. Figure Out What Changed in the Marriage
It’s important to look back and think about patterns, communication styles, and changes that may have happened. Maybe one of you got a new job, maybe it was a move that was made or perhaps when you had your second child. It can be hard to pinpoint what exact moment things changed so it’s productive to think about patterns and lifestyle shifts that may have taken a toll on the marriage.
3. Work on Your Communication
Ask questions. Be curious about your partner’s day, how they are feeling, what they’re struggling with or stressed about, what they’re excited for or looking forward to, what their goals are, and how you can be helpful to them. This will help you and your partner begin to share more and improve your understanding of each other’s experience in the world.
4. Practice Active Listening
“Listening to one another, really listening, even if you disagree, validating your partner and conveying that you understand even if you disagree. When communicating about your emotions allow yourself to be vulnerable and do not judge one another. This can create a deeper bond in a couple.”
5. Avoid Playing the Blame Game
When one person in a marriage is feeling lonely and upset, both people in the marriage are losing. Marriage is a team sport, and blaming your teammate won’t help you both succeed. It’s important to be mindful of your feelings, work to understand them, and communicate them in a healthy manner.
It’s also important that your partner is receptive and takes the time to hear you out and consider your needs and emotions. Working with a couples therapist can help you with this task as well.
6. Make Sure to Laugh With Your Partner
“Bring humor into the relationship. Not everything has to be so serious. Many times, couples are so stressed that they forget to just laugh or have fun and be playful with each other.”
7. Make a Plan For Connection & Rituals
“Create a plan on how you can connect more. Relationships must be intentional, they do not just happen. Building ‘rituals of connection” (as coined by Dr. John Gottman) can be a great way to start connecting and decrease feelings of loneliness.
Rituals can be something you do daily (such as finding time in the evening to share your days with one another and/or snuggle on the couch) or they can be weekly (such as date night). It is important to have daily and weekly rituals for you and your partner to stay connected.
Here are a few recommended rituals if you’re married but lonely:
At some point in time in the morning, find time for a 6-second kiss with your partner, and find out one interesting thing that they are going to do that day.
In the evening, find 20-30 minutes to share about your days and support one another in all of life’s external stressors.
Find 5-10 minutes a day for some physical affection and verbal exchange of appreciation.
Date night weekly (yes, you can still have date night during a pandemic!) You may need to get creative with this one right now. For example, there are several online companies that will ship you everything you need to have a fun date night in the comfort of your own home.”
“Find an activity that you can do together (go out with other couples, have a date night, hobby, take a cooking/dancing class, work-out, binge watch a show together, travel, etc.) and commit to it. Having intention is the key. Many couples talk about doing things together but hardly ever do.”
8. Practice Acts of Kindness Toward Your Partner
Engage in small acts of kindness or do favors for your partner to show them you care. For example, make them a meal, clean up their dishes, run an errand for them, or help them with a task they’re struggling with.
“Be spontaneous, have a picnic and go watch the sunset, surprise your partner with something they are not expecting (have breakfast in bed, leave a little note on the nightstand, bring them their favorite food, go to a hotel even for one night to break the routine).” – Lydia Antonatos, LMHC
9. Express Appreciation & Gratitude
“Show gratitude towards one another, tell each other how important each one is in each other’s life. Talk about things you’ve overcome together and how much stronger you are as a couple because of it.
Compliment one another and talk about the things you like about each other. Say thank you even for tiny things (when your partner gets up to get you that glass of water you asked for, etc.).”
10. Remember What Brought You Together
Thinking about old memories or looking at photos from trips, events, or your wedding can be useful in recalling what connected the two of you to begin with. Talk about cherished memories, what you used to enjoy doing together, what you loved about each other, and the activities you engaged in that made you feel connected.
These are great reminders of what brought you together and how you can integrate changes into your relationship to feel more connected again. For example, if you and your partner used to connect on hikes together, try to restart that activity...CONTINUE READING>>
