Some guys get really nervous when they talk to or date someone they like. But you can learn how to play it cool with a girl and make her like you back.
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Understanding how to play it cool with a girl can be hard when you are super nervous. Being scared to flirt or just talk to a girl is completely normal, no matter your age.
A lot of guys get nervous when it comes to talking to girls. Their hands get sweaty, and their stomach grumbles loudly. They might even think about canceling plans whenever they go out with a girl.
So, how do you calm down and play it cool? Well, by actually being cool.
Sure, it seems like actually stopping the nerves would be a lot more difficult than hiding them to get by, but that is just a band-aid. If you want to know how to play it cool with a girl, you don’t play it, you do it.
There are a lot of scenarios where you might be nervous around a girl. It could be approaching a girl at a party or the grocery store. Or it could be when you’re meeting up for a date or taking her back to your place. But, before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s focus on introductions.
Even though you have the least to lose at this point, introducing yourself to a girl for the first time feels the most terrifying.
This is one of the reasons dating apps have become so popular. People don’t meet in traditional ways. When was the last time you met someone at the grocery store?
[Read: How to start a conversation with a girl and make sparks]Approaching someone can be more terrifying than the first date, the first kiss, and more … combined! So, how you play it cool with a girl at the beginning is a conundrum.
Well, we’re sorry to say there is no quick fix. You can pinch your wrist and shut down the nerves or take a deep breath and expect to be confident. It will take time to realign the way you think about meeting girls.
Right now, you’re probably going into this thinking you’ll be rejected, she’ll laugh at you, or she’ll look at you like you’re nuts. You might think she’s out of your league, or you might be worried her boyfriend is nearby. Or maybe you just don’t want to bother her.
You can think of a billion excuses not to approach her. But instead of thinking about all that, focus on just one reason to approach her. It is an opportunity. It could lead to rejection, sure, but it could lead to true love, friendship, or at the very least, a funny story to tell at parties.
[Read: How to take control of your love life and find the love you want]If you don’t put so much pressure on yourself for a simple “hello,” you won’t be so scared. If you think of introducing yourself to a girl as introducing yourself to a new colleague, it will feel less scary.
When you have that nonchalance, you will come off cool. You won’t have to act cool because you will be.
Even if you still have nerves, be yourself. If a guy approaches a girl at the store and says, “I’ve never done this and I’m super nervous, but I noticed you and wanted to introduce myself,” the girl will probably be flattered and intrigued. [Read: How to approach a girl and impress her]
He wouldn’t have to seem “cool” or like he is so experienced or sure of her response. Just taking that risk and saying hello is more than most girls get.
If you can rethink talking to a new girl from nerve-racking to normal, you’ll be able to feel calmer and cooler. [Read: How to approach a crush: Get noticed and impress them all at once] How to play it cool with a girl
Let’s move past the introductions. As important as they are, the rest of it is also there. Understanding how to play it cool with a girl is about confidence. It isn’t about reassurance or expectations.
What makes you so nervous with a girl is fear and uncertainty. You’ll never know what will happen or how it will happen. By letting go of that, you can accept any outcome. That is what makes you cool. [Read: 15 things you absolutely must know when you approach a woman]
To help you grasp this concept, here’s a story about a guy who went on three dates and did not by any stretch of the imagination know how to play it cool with a girl.
He met the girl online and went for coffee. At first, he seemed normal enough. About 20 minutes in, he seemed very interested in the girl. Right away, the girl got uncomfortable.
Of course, he was interested, or else he wouldn’t have come on the date. But so quickly, that intrigue turned to certainty. He seemed so sure he liked her after 20 minutes. But he didn’t know her, which is where it went wrong.
Maybe he liked what he knew about her, but he took those few things and ran with them.
Do you find yourself doing this? Maybe you think a girl is pretty and think it’s awesome that she travels a lot and likes your favorite show. That’s all great and calls for interest, but it means you need to get to know her more, not that you know her and she’s the one. [Read: Whoa there! The signs you’re coming on way too strong]
Back to the story … the girl decided to go on another date with this guy because he seemed nervous during the first meeting, and she thought that was sweet. Date two was a lot. A second date should be more intimate than the first, but she was still a stranger.
He didn’t just go to hold her hand, but he wanted to aggressively make out in a public park. From there, he was planning date number three, all while assuming she was on board. She took him to a restaurant, so he’d have to keep his distance. Then they went bowling, where he was again aggressively close to her.
At that point, she was thinking about how to let him down, but she was running late for a job and didn’t have the time then.
That night he called her, for no reason, just to talk. This could be a personal preference, but she didn’t like that. She even said that on the phone. 20% of the call was silent. Just, why?
Then they decided to meet up at a mall. She thought she’d let him down in person. Again, he was pushy and aggressive. He talked about going away together, her coming to his house, and meeting his mom. She was overwhelmed and left. [Read: Types of guys all girls think are very creepy]
The next day they FaceTimed. As she tried to get a word in, he kept talking about the future with her. She stopped him and asked what he liked about her. Other than some basics like her looks and being smart and funny, he couldn’t say much else because he didn’t know her.
She told him he didn’t know her, and she didn’t understand how he could be so sure and all in with the little he knew. It made her uncomfortable. He claimed he did know her, but he didn’t, so she ended it. So, do you see how he didn’t know how to play it cool with a girl?
He insisted he knew her and liked her. This is what made him so eager. He probably believed it too, but in reality, he liked the version of her that he stirred up in his mind. He took the few facts he knew and blended them into this perfect girl. [Read: 18 secrets to impress a girl and get her to like you]
Not only did that put pressure on her to live up to that, but it made her wildly uncomfortable and disturbed. Would he date any girl? Was it her that he liked or who he hoped she was and who he wanted her to be?
It seemed like he wanted a girlfriend, no matter who it was. He built things up in his mind so much that his game was so intense.
Why you should act on your true feelings
Knowing how to play it cool with a girl means toning all that way down. It doesn’t mean you have to seem indifferent or shut off your interest. It means you must act on your true feelings, not the ones you’re expecting or hoping to have.
If that guy had asked her more questions about herself or taken his time to hear her out, it would have felt authentic. His interest would be genuine if he tried to get to know her for her, rather than assuming he knew her based on the few things he liked. [Read: Are you losing yourself to impress someone when you like them?]
It is hard to know how to play it cool with a girl when you view her as a goddess or as this perfect person who will make you happy and give you what you want. But, if you view her as a person who has flaws and quirks and who is probably just as nervous as you, you can show your interest by getting to know her.
Ask her about herself, share your stories, and treat her respectfully. Playing it cool is about enjoying the moment, whether it ends up in a relationship or a kind goodbye. [Read: How to get to know a girl and win her heart one step at a time]
If you say something embarrassing, she’ll likely find it endearing. If you trip, she’ll giggle and see you as human. And, if you tell her you like her, she’ll be flattered.
Final tips for how to play it cool with a girl
Now that you know some generalities, let’s end this with some specific tips for how to play it cool with a girl.
1. Don’t text her too much
Since you like her a lot, you will have the urge to text *or call* her a lot. She’s always on your mind, so you want to talk to her and get to know her better. But you don’t want to annoy her. You can’t expect to text her 24/7, or she will get sick of you. So, keep your distance. Show your interest – but not too much. [Read: How to stop texting someone when that’s all you want to do]
2. Don’t be too available
You might want to clear your entire schedule for the next six months so you can spend every waking moment with her. But if you do, then she will know. And then she’ll wonder why you don’t have anything else going on in your life. Then, when she thinks that, she will think that you are a lower-quality guy. And you don’t want that!
3. Have your own life
You can’t get so wrapped up in one girl that you ignore other aspects of your life. Don’t forget that you have family, friends, school/work, and other activities in your life too. The more you stay busy, the less tempting it will be to contact her 24/7. So, make sure you fill up your life with lots of other things besides the girl you like.
4. Don’t be too touchy-feely
When you want to play it cool with a girl, you can’t be too touchy-feely with her. Remember the story we told earlier? He was all over that girl, and it turned her off – especially so soon in the dating process. That’s not to say that you can’t occasionally reach for her hand, kiss her, or put your arm around her. Just don’t overdo it. [Read: Types of touches – The 36 physical touches we use and what they mean]
5. Don’t try to sex
Sure, guys like sex. We all know that. But if you try to jump right into sexual talk or sexting, it will turn her off. That definitely shows that you are interested in her sexually, but that’s not playing it cool. Instead, make her wonder. Create more mystery around yourself. That’s much more intriguing.
6. Be playful
When you are with her, try to make her laugh and tell some jokes. Maybe even tease her a little, as long as you don’t do it too much. You don’t want her to think that you are criticizing her or anything. Girls like it when guys are lighthearted and fun to be around. [Read: How to be more playful and flirty and open up when you meet someone]
7. Don’t get too serious
You might have already envisioned your future together. Your children’s names are picked out in your head, and you can picture the type of house you’ll live in. But don’t tell her that! Don’t talk too much about the future, or it might freak her out. Let it develop slowly over time.
8. Act confident
The most important thing to remember is that girls like self-confident guys. They are much more attractive than needy ones who are insecure. So, if you don’t have natural self-confidence, try to fake it. When a guy is desperate, girls know it, and it’s a real turn-off. So, pretend you are a real catch, and then she will think you are too.
