Firstly, no one has divine insight into who you are. No one single perspective is “more” correct than another, it’s just different perspectives....CONTINUE READING

Secondly, negative feedback doesn’t have any alteration on who you actually are. If someone were to compliment you endlessly or insult you relentlessly, this feedback wouldn’t change a thing about you. It would only shape your feelings about yourself if you allowed yourself to be swayed by that feedback.

Third, accept that you’re a flawed human being- while also accepting that you can be your version of the ideal man, and there will always be people who don’t like you. No matter how wonderful we may be, many people won’t see that, and they’re not obligated to.

Fourth, work on detachment. Detach from both positive and negative feedback, because it’s all an illusion and it makes you painfully vulnerable to manipulation. For example, if you’re always seeking the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself, you’ll be a perfect target for a manipulative person who will stroke your ego in order to take advantage of you.

Depending on approval weakens your characters, and it reduces your ability to be in touch with reality. The tradeoffs are not worth it.

Fifth, self love is a choice. You can choose to look at yourself and only see your disappointments, or you can look at yourself and see a person in progress who has come a long way, and will continue to grow and evolve.

Additionally, there are things you can DO that can make self love a lot easier- and when you DO these things, then the opinions of others will hold no weight because you’re actually connected with who you are. It’s through doing that we solidify our sense of self and become more grounded and confident. If you have achievements and productive habits, opinions of others don’t matter and could never diminish from your accomplishments. If you live life in a way that you deem is valuable, that’s enough evidence to refute the hatred or doubt from other people.

I’m not saying to be closed off from feedback, because the perspectives of others- both criticisms or compliments- can provide us with a new lens into who we are, and their views can help us learn and grow. Because most of us are blind to some of our ways. And that’s okay, it’s just a symptom of being human.

But it’s important to get to a place where you accept who you and can be detached from external feedback, while simultaneously considering other perspectives. It’s important to have a process of parsing out the truth. We’ll likely hear a lot of unflattering feedback in our life, and it’s good to be able to accept that, consider the validity, and then extract a lesson if there is one to be found.

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