According to Verywellfamily – We still love our partner but we don’t know why, the passion has faded and we no longer feel the desire we used to feel. What do we do when we experience a decrease in s3xual desire? Does this mean the end of the relationship?...CONTINUE READING

When a relationship has lasted for many years, it is natural to experience a decrease in libido. However, there are times when this can be a cause for concern.

In these circumstances, it is important to think things through. This is because a decrease in s3x drive is not at all like the fact that you have stopped feeling love and attraction for your partner. We discuss this in more detail in this article.

Loss of sexual desire: don’t be Afraid!

When you no longer feel attracted to your partner, you tend to remember the past. You think back again and again to your first relationship together or how exciting it was in the beginning.

However, as we all know, it is impossible to go back and this can cause anxiety and frustration. Relationships go through different phases, and each one is beautiful in its own way.

When you meet someone, things are more interesting in the beginning because you don’t know that person yet. The process of getting to know someone is exciting in itself, but it’s based on the idealised expectations of our minds. For this reason, many relationships end after this process is exhausted.

If you do continue in a relationship with your partner, it means you liked the person you discovered. If you are still together, it’s because in addition to sex and physical attraction, you have a real connection involving commitment and intimacy. Just like Robert Sternberg’s love triangle theory says.

Don’t give in to discouragement and negative thoughts. You can’t be happy all the time; it’s only natural to have doubts about relationships, because they change over time and so do you. Just as it’s normal for passion to wane or fluctuate over time.

What are the reasons for diminished sexual desire?

Before getting into ‘drama mode’, it’s helpful to analyse the possible reasons for decreased desire and passion.

There are many possibilities. However, being honest with ourselves will help us avoid ruining the relationship and hurting ourselves and our partner.

So let’s look at some statements that you can more or less identify with. Again, above all, if you are honest with yourself!

“I don’t feel as eager as I used to because I feel safe with my habits, my daily life”. Behind this statement is a fear of change.

“I have stopped paying attention to my partner or showing him or her how much I love him or her with little gestures – because he or she knows it!”

“Work stresses me out, having to make ends meet puts me in a bad mood. My dissatisfaction ultimately affects my partner too.”

“I can’t cope/decide to ignore our problems (we hardly ever communicate, he gives all his energy to work, he’s been unfaithful to me).”

“I think I don’t love my partner anymore, but I keep staying with him because it’s more comfortable and I’m afraid of being alone.”

As you can see, there really are many options. So it is very important that you ask yourself how your relationship is working out. Of course, do it in a calm atmosphere, not after an argument.

Also, take into account the fact that there may be a lot of resistance inside you that prevents you from exploring this topic further. For example, denying it prevents you from objectively assessing the couple’s situation. Avoiding the issue becomes counter-productive as it leads to even more discomfort.

Couples therapy

If, no matter what, you cannot solve the problem of declining passion on your own, couples therapy can really help. It may seem excessive or cause you shame, but in many cases it is the only way to save the relationship. However, some preliminary work always needs to be done.

This is to stop blaming your partner for the situation. You need to open your eyes and not look at things from one perspective. You need to keep an open mind and analyse the facts from a different perspective and not just think: “I don’t want this anymore”.

Once this is done, you can work with a psychologist. You should also keep in mind that therapy requires maintaining a high level of honesty with both your partner and the therapist. If you are not honest, you will not be able to help resolve the situation.

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