People get tied up in relationship patterns that can be hard to break out of. Some might feel trapped financially or worry about their children....CONTINUE READING
Ending a bad relationship can be really complicated. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier:
1. Make an exit plan. Toxic can mean many things, and sometimes “toxic” is used synonymously with abusive. If this is the case, find somewhere safe, and ensure your wellbeing will be guaranteed.
2. Cut your dependencies. This goes along with the first point, but if you are financially, emotionally, socially dependent (or otherwise) on this person, then it will be immensely hard and sometimes impossible to leave. Make sure you have resources and supports in place that will allow you to meet your needs without them. Finances is usually the most important in this case.
3. Lean on your friends and family, and ask them to support your breakup. This is critical. Sometimes, we have friends and family who are toxic in similar ways, and they actually empathize with the toxic partner and will encourage you to endure the dysfunction. If you find ANYONE encouraging you to stay in a bad relationship, they need to be distanced as well. Find friends and family who support your decision, and who are willing to lend an ear or a couch and allow you to detach from this person. It can be tough, but asking friends in advance can be helpful to moving on.
4. Write a list of the reasons you’re leaving. There will likely come moments of weakness or regret when you miss this person. Having a list of reasons why you left and examples of the bad situations you don’t want to find yourself in again can be helpful to standing strong in your decision. Emotions can fluctuate, so it’s useful to prepare for these situations by reminding yourself why you left in the first place.
5. Focus on what you gain. Relationships take up a lot of time! And I find that when people leave a bad relationship, they find themselves with a lot more free time but no plan on how to spend this time. Make sure you pursue your passions, interests, hobbies etc. to account for this new free time. If you spend 10 hours a week with your ex, it can be useful to consider how you want to spend this free time, and what things you want to pursue. Prepare for a slight lifestyle shift, and fill that time with things that make you feel fulfilled.
6. Make it a point to acknowledge what you gain from leaving the relationship, and do this everyday. Doing so reminds us of why we left in the first place, and why it was a good decision. You might think about how you’re more secure without your ex, how you have higher self esteem, how you have more time to spend with friends, how being single allows you to connect with people who are stable and healthy etc. Focusing on what is gained can help keep us on the path of healing and independence.
7. Adopt a practice that allows you to connect with yourself and your feelings in a healthy way. This could be journalling, meditating, going for walks, adopting a new self care practice etc. Make time to check in on your feelings, your needs etc. Sometimes people go through a breakup and fill their time with distractions. This can backfire. Find a practice that allows you to connect with your feelings in a healthy way, and try and do this daily. This will allow you to process the breakup, notice your feelings, and catch feelings or impulses that might be dysfunctional in the long term.
