The first step to emotional detachment is physical detachment. That means no face-to-face contact, no texting, no emails, no phone calls, no social media posts, no asking your mutual friends for information. No nothing....CONTINUE READING
Emotional detachment is harder than physical detachment and will take longer. But it is impossible if you are still physically attached in any way. You may have said to one another “We’ll still be friends.” That might really happen, too. I’ve managed it a couple of times.
But friendship will not grow from a severed love relationship for a very long time. And it will never happen until you achieve emotional detachment.
To detach emotionally, you first have to give yourself a little time to grieve. Don’t wallow. But be gentle with your bruised psyche for a while. In the meantime, spend time with those who love you unconditionally – friends, family, pets. Think about what makes these important people special and believe in what they see which is special about you.
Then, a change of scenery helps. Even just an overnight with a friend, vegging out with some videos, eating junk food, maybe a little libation. If you can afford it, a brief vacation is great for soothing the soul. Maybe a solo weekend spa package filled with pampering and reading, if that appeals. A weekend hike or camp-out with friends or family. An away game to see a favorite sports team play.
Or drive to the next state or city over and visit a park or a festival or a concert or go antiquing or attend an auction. Don’t be afraid of solo travel if you can’t find a friend to go. You will find it enriching. It can be scary at first, but it’s really just a skill which can be learned, practiced and improved.
Sometimes a physical transformation helps you begin again. Get your hair cut or colored. Buy some new clothes. If you can afford it, trade in your car or bike on a different model. But try not to do anything drastic which is permanent at this stage. No new tattoos. No new piercings. Don’t quit your job or drop out of school.
After the initial shock of the break-up, I find beginning a long term project will help you detach your emotions and get your mind on other things. Volunteer for an organization you believe in. Paint your bedroom. Learn how to clip your dog. Rearrange the furniture in your living space.
Audition for community theatre, or just help out backstage. Take music lessons. Take any kind of lessons — knitting; body building; stunt driving; painting; rock climbing. Join the civic chorus. Teach a class in something you’re good at. You might even find solace and reward at school or work by taking on an additional project or offering to mentor a newbie or someone who is struggling.
The point is that you should celebrate yourself. Value yourself. You need to learn to reinvest your emotions. You need to acknowledge that you have so much to offer. Breaking an emotional bond of any kind is painful work. But it can be done.
And this is not to say that you will never think of your love again. You will. You may even run into him or her if you frequent the same places or live in a small town or attend the same school. And maybe you will always feel a small heart twinge when you remember a lovely shared moment or hear a favorite song.
But thinking of that person a hundred times a day will gradually become a dozen times and then only once or twice. Then the day will come when one of those moments occurs that you hear that special song and you will find yourself thinking: “Wow, I haven’t thought of that person for awhile.”
It may take a month, six months or two years. But you will find the strength to do this. You will move on with your life. And, believe it or not, you will love again.
